Monday, May 13, 2013

Is this for real?!?!

When I started this weight loss journey in March, I HONESTLY thought that I would be able to hang for a week or so and then give up. Just the same as I had 200 times before. In the past 4 years, I've tried cutting soda, tried Weight Watchers, joined the name it, I tried it. Nothing worked. I blamed it on Matt's eating habits, I blamed it on being too busy, I blamed it on how expensive healthy foods where. I blamed it on everything under the sun. When in fact, I was unmotivated. I didn't want it bad enough. I didn't care honestly. I liked my cupcakes and I sure as hell wasn't going to give them up. When I stepped on that scale and it read 182, something clicked. I was sad. I was disgusted. I was ashamed. And most certainly I was ANGRY with myself for ever letting it get that out of control. Now I know that there are some that were/are bigger than 182. I am not comparing myself to others. I am talking about how I felt in that moment. 182 IS big for someone that is only 5'2" and up until 2008, only weighed 110 max. (minus the 2 pregnancies, and the year long Prednisone hell) I used to be so cocky, and arrogant in my thought process. I used to say "I don't have fat potential", or "I am just a small person with a high metabolism". Well those words sure as shit bit me in my fat ass. The fact is, I do have fat potential. I proved that without a shadow of a doubt.

I have had many, many, many things happen to me medically, and so I was scared that this weight loss would never happen for me. That my body was beyond the point of no return. But I can PROUDLY say that that is not the case. It is happening. And it's happening faster than I ever thought would be possible. Some days, I get deflated and feel that it's not happening fast enough. But as of yesterday, this happened:
Wait...what does that say???? 163.8???? Does that REALLLLLLY mean that I am 1.2 pounds away from 20 pounds lost? Does that mean that if I lose those 1.2 pounds by the 17th, that I've lost 20 pounds in 2 months?? You bet your sweet ass it does!!!! And look my toes are painted!! :) I still have 30 pounds to go until my goal of 130, but now that goal feels more tangible. Like I can really get there.

 I do want to say thank you to all of my cheerleaders. My family and friends, and even some strangers that cheer me on daily. Losing weight is hard work. It's a full time job (someone should really pay me. Just sayin') counting calories, resisting temptation and laziness, working out, prepping, etc. It's all a lot of work, and can be mentally draining, but this chick is in for the duration!! 

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