I hate my guts.

So I'm not sure how many people actually read this, but I thought today I would post about getting healthy while battling an Auto-Immune Disease. Hi, My name is Misty, and I have Crohn's disease. Yes, Crohn's is an actual disease. Yes, it is much more than a "stomach ache". No, I do not shit myself daily. No, having an Auto-Immune Disease does not mean I have the HIV virus or AIDS. No, I do not have my colon. And no, I do not have a colostomy bag.

Maybe I should start by explaining what Crohn's disease is. Crohn's disease is an Inflammatory Bowel Disease or an IBD. It is also an Auto-Immune Disease. So in simple terms it means that my immune system is constantly attacking itself and the attack happens within my gastrointestinal tract causing inflammation and swelling along with severe pain. It also causes joint pain, fatigue, fevers, nausea, bitchiness, weight loss, weight gain. Sound like a party? It totally is NOT.

In the past when I've tried to lose weight, it's been difficult because of not only my lack of motivation, but also fear. It's very hard to try to work around things that cause stomach cramps and regular trips to the bathroom. Since I got sick in 2003, I've found what works and what doesn't by trial and error. So this time around with my weight loss journey, I knew I wanted it. Just didn't know how long it would last. Salad and raw veggies are hard on the intestines. They are hard for a normal body to break down, so someone that doesn't have a colon, it's THAT much harder. And everyone knows that part of dieting and eating well includes a ton of veggies. Meal replacement shakes are out of the question. I might as well live in the bathroom if I attempt that route.

I do fluctuate by at least 3 pounds in my weight. I always retain a lot of water. And some foods and sodium make me balloon up. Working out is hard some days. The fatigue I experience is indescribable. I can sleep for 9 hours a night, and wake up feeling like I've slept 1. 3 out of 7 days, I wake up with nausea. I eat and get stomach cramps. So you can see that there is always some excuse why I just shouldn't work out.

I am really learning to work through the pain. To step up and do it anyways. To eat salad, and veggies and work with what I've been dealt. I know that on top of being smaller, I will be healthy. I will hopefully retrain my guts to work with me and not against me. I will learn to stop being crabby just because I don't feel good, and that if I am in a bad mood, lace up my shoes and go run it off. Life hasn't been kind to me in the health department. I am however, thankful that I am alive. Thankful to have a second chance. Thankful that I get to watch my kids grow, and spend everyday with my husband. So I will do WHATEVER it takes to stay healthy and strong and ALIVE for them. I refuse to succumb to my shitty circumstances (pun intended)

So that's why I hate my guts!

Happy Friday all!!! (all 2 of you that read this that is)